How Decker Loyd Ruined Norton Commons

Good afternoon everyone. Second day in a row blogging. There's now nothing standing between me and Thanksgiving break, so the break starts now.

I really love staying on campus until the last possible moment before a break. I just sit back and relax while everyone scrambles to get home as quickly as possible. Watching everyone rush makes it even more calming from my perspective.

I haven't been on a cruise in over a year now, which is fine, I'm not complaining about it. The cruise lifestyle is so immensely chill, it serves as an antidepressant to just think about a cruise and recollect fond memories. I spent a proud amount of time this morning watching freshman go through the process of packing up and leaving the dorm while I sip tea from behind the front desk, having a mild conversation with the fellow RA's. With some Vacation music lightly playing from the speakers, and my feet propped up on the table in front of me, I can't help but relate the moment to that of a cruise. Then I left for K-Lair to waste a meal plan on a bag of chips and cup of orange juice (because I have enough swypes for shit like that) and realized that some days are just so peaceful that I'd need to be on a cruise ship to match it.

Cruises are the highest caliber of relaxation in the whole wide world. You can argue with me, but being on a ship with pretty girls and sunshine and food and drinks is simply the maximum R&R one can achieve. But take away the palm trees, the ocean, and the service, and you're still left with consistent pleasure. There are pleasures that don't require a cruise ship to retain  These are the pleasures of sleeping in a little bit, putting on a Vacation playlist while sipping your favorite beverage, and watching the world go by with some friends from a comfortable place to sit.

So, like most days before an academic break, today is one of those days. I've done calculus and physics for a few hours already and now I'm going to spend the rest of my afternoon enjoying tea, Halo, and the company of bros. And even though I won't be on a cruise ship, I'll still have a similar mindset.

I feel like that's what people on welfare say when they can't afford vacations. I mean they'd be right if they did. Anyway, after blogging yesterday about PR and how manipulation can really accelerate your efforts, I decided I might as well try my hand at manipulating my Calculus overlords into helping me get a passing grade as much as possible. Obviously if I do terribly in the class I won't pass regardless of PR or manipulation, BUT the more I can make my professor feel like I'm deserving of it the more "assistance" I will get. So...yeah... game on.

I promised you yesterday I believe that I'd tell you the story of Norton Commons. I guess I'll keep my promise and tell the story of how Decker Loyd ruined Norton Commons. So first I have to set the stage...

This story takes place last summer while I was working for the YMCA at an on-site waterpark. I was one of the more senior shift supervisors and had earned a modest amount of power in my service. So in addition to the waterpark, the Y had managed a small neighborhood pool several miles away at a community called "Norton Commons".

Norton Commons was a very peculiar place. It was a neighborhood of hundreds of cute little apartment-houses with a cute little main street with cute little businesses like bakeries and cafe's. This place was borderline creepy. It's the type of place you think of in a quasi-utopian village or some shit; where like when a visitor comes to town all the residents just stand on their front porch with an eerie smile waving lightly at passersby. It was the type of neighborhood in which you wouldn't be entirely surprised if it was run all by crab people and they were planning on expanding their cute properties until their adorable society took over the entire world. So at this complex, was a pool. Which of course was an adorable little pool with this cute white gazebo where the residents can relax and cool off without leaving their creepy little slice of Eden.

So our staff of lifeguards at the Y had to run the Norton Commons pool as well as the waterpark. Guards typically hated working the waterpark, and loved working Norton Commons. The waterpark was simply hell, 7 hour shifts dragged by painfully like nails on a chalkboard. Norton Commons on the other hand, was bliss because you really didn't have to do shit. Very few people even came to the pool, there was no one monitoring you so you could typically do whatever you wanted, and you got a 40 minute break every 20 minutes.

I had worked at the YMCA about three years before I ever did a shift at Norton Commons. Then finally, one beautiful Saturday afternoon I worked my first Norton Commons shift. 12-7pm, best 7 hours I've ever been paid for. I was making about $8.75/hour at that point in my lifeguarding career, so before tax I made over 60 bucks for what was about to happen. And guess who I was working with, Karen and Mitch. One of my top bros AND MY GIRLFRIEND. Talk about a recipe for disaster.

So since I'd never worked Norton Commons before, despite outranking both Karen and Mitch, I asked them to talk me through the shift so I know what to do and don't fuck anything up. And those assholes told me with confidence, "You can do whatever you want."

After a bit of discussion I realized that Norton Commons was sort of a hidden gem~a secret lifeguard Valhalla among the YMCA staff. Only drunk old people and kids came to this pool, and our bosses were a 15 minute drive away. Being reassured that anything goes at this pool because "fuck Kym" I hopped on board the fuck-it train and choo-choo'ed my ass all the way to fuck-it'ville.

So we did our job for a few hours, and eventually decided to close the pool for 'thunder'. Yeah. We heard 'thunder'. The shift pretty much went downhill from there. My motorcycle ended up in the gazebo, Mitch and Kyle ended up picking up this girl who lived down the street and we all ordered pizza. After several hours it became apparent that we weren't going to be able to hear 'thunder' any longer and we opened the pool back up. So while working, we invited over a few other girls who lived in the neighborhood and sooner or later we had three lifeguards and like 4 girls and we spent the rest of the shift playing Apple to Apples.

So I guess, somehow, the chief developer (of Norton Commons) saw us? I don't know how, the guy is sneaky as hell; but with a stroke of luck he was able to piece together that we had pulled into the fuck-it'ville station hours ago. And I guess he told my boss? I don't know the details but apparently he was pissed.

A day or so later the guards working the shift were pulled aside and had a chat with Kym. She wasn't looking for any reasons to why we had such a lapse in judgement but apparently "because fuck Kym" wasn't going to be a valid excuse. We didn't get fired, in fact we weren't even written up for it. But the Norton Commons developer had a hard-on for getting us in as much trouble as possible, and since Kym wouldn't adhere the developer banned us. He fucking BANNED us. I WAS BANISHED FROM NORTON COMMONS.

Not only was I not allowed to work there anymore, I wasn't allowed to go there anymore! I was no longer welcome at Norton Commons! What the fuck! I was like Scar from Lion King; being exiled from the pride lands for committing such a heinous act of delinquency!

But of course the developer wasn't satisfied with simply banning us from his fucked up Dr. Seuss town, he then threatened the Y stating that if the Norton Commons lifeguards don't start doing their job, they would go elsewhere to staff their pool. But here's where it gets tricky; the Y aquatics was having terrible financial trouble at the time, and couldn't afford a voidance in their contract with Norton Commons. So the Y executive staff begged and pleaded and promised that the lifeguards would shape up.

Norton Commons went from a complete vacation from the waterpark, to a boring and overly formal venue laced with paranoia of who's watching you waiting for you to make a mistake. This happened within days from our seven-hour party shift. For the first time in years guards were complaining about working Norton Commons. Kym and the exec staff as well as the executives of Norton Commons were making frequent rounds to the pool to ensure no one screwing around again.

After that summer our contract with Norton Commons expired and they no longer relied on our Y for staffing their pool. I swear I had nothing to do with that, but for our final two and a half months with Norton Commons, I completely ruined the fun. And in addition to that I'd like to think the legacy of my acts live on in the treatment and training of future Norton Commons Lifeguards. I don't think Norton Commons will ever be as chill as it was before I worked my first and last shift there.

Was it worth it? Hell yes. I'll be telling this story for years. And now that I've written it down I've immortalized it so I could be reading this when I'm 40 and have a great laugh about it. Anyway, thanks for reading today. I'm planning on hopping off and playing some Halo. Until next time...