Good evening everyone. I know what you may be thinking, this is the second blog post of the day. Shocking, I know. Turns out the last post was a two-parter. So I've been spending the past two hours reading a bunch of shit from what I'm now calling the "good ole' days".
If you haven't read my last post (titled 'before the count') please do. In it I talk about the joys and happiness involved in the Summer of 2008. For me the Summer of 2008 competed with the Summer of 2010 for the best time of my life. Of course it feels quite nostalgic reading it, insanely nostalgic. These text documents capture the exact feelings of every aspect of my life at the moment it was created. It's amazing to be able to practically relive some of the best moments of my life. Hopefully this blog continues to capture the essence of my happy and optimistic life. 2008 was four years ago. This blog has only been up for 2 years, and for the first year or so I didn't write anything but bullshit. So if reading this for the fifth or sixth time in 2016 brings up the same great memories I'm just now putting on paper, the time I put in to this blog has been well spent.
So in a saved conversation between myself and Alex Krauss I talk about going to the volleyball tournament with 5,700 athletic girls under one roof. Here's an excerpt from the piece:
"i had to wake up at 6:30am local time to get to the tourny on time...trust me...it was worth it...100%...so it's 7:00 in the morning...i have a starbucks frapicino in my hand...walking around"
This was what my life was like at that point! Waking up at 6:30am and getting Starbucks to talk to girls!? There's no mention of GPA or PFA score or fucking anything stressful at all! I was just doing whatever the fuck I wanted for whatever reasons I could come up with! If the reasons I woke up at 6am sounded ANYTHING like having fun all day with family and friends I'd have a great day every day!
That was what life was about when I was 15. It wasn't about waking up early to chase girls, it was the fun beneath it all. It was a videogame with your bro and a story to accompany it that brought a smile to my face. The alcohol and the popularity didn't faze me, and thus didn't affect my actions. I was naive and looking back it was bliss.
So then we move forwards quite a bit in our scripture readings. 2008 wrapped up nicely, 2009 started splendidly but I ended up hitting a speed bump and my life changed and whatever...blah blah blah. Then we hit 2010 and an obsession with status warps me like Photoshop. Let's all be honest, I wasn't helping the poor in Honduras to help the poor in Honduras (facta non verba). This is also around the time Decker learned how to drink. It all adds up to arrogance. It was pretty clear I was arrogant as hell by then, self admittedly.
The Earth only rotated when Decker Loyd was clubbing in Hollywood, drinking Patron at a successful party, or telling a ridiculous but true story (something about getting a bridge named after me?) I wouldn't my lifestyle shallow; I didn't lose any friends, I never wound up in any trouble, it really wasn't a problem. But it definitely took more than a cup of Starbuck's at seven in the morning to bring a smile to my face. The feeling that came with being one of the few 16 year old's to have such a lifestyle blew my head up ten fold.
But it eventually deflated back down and here I am in 2012, sober as fuck. Scholarships, wings, money, toys, power, and real estate (fucking triple room) are all things I've acquired in my year here at college and yet I haven't held more humility since the Summer of 2008. It's the past four years have been a loop, and after learning countless lessons and being humbled by both awful and amazing experiences I'm now back at the start. And it's just now that I'm realizing that the values I believed in four years ago are what I should've been following all along.
Four years have past and once again something as simple as a game of Madden with a bro and a story will leave me convinced I had a great Friday night. Sure, now I have stress and exams and a lot to get done but I can get over that. This is what I'll read in 2016 and I'll get all nostalgic and write in my blog or journal or whatever futuristic thing I write in and the whole loop will continue. It may not be 2016; it may be 2025 or 2030. It could be any time. I'll get wiser and realize everything I never realized before.
And eventually I'll be 65 or 70 years old, and I'll have a lot to think about. And in my downtime, I will at some point read every single post, text document, and letter I've ever written and my entire life will make sense. I will recall every single fond memory (forget the shitty ones) and remember every airport I've flown into and have crossed off everything on my bucketlist. And then my life will be complete, and it'll be about over.
Unless I get hit by a drunk driver. Until next time...
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