Hey everyone. It's Monday night. Monday nights in the latter half of the year are my chill nights. So it's blog time.
First off, the song Enough is Enough by Avicii is the song of angels. Holy shit. Art.
The lake this weekend was a huge success. Everything I said about wanting there to be a swim up bar at the lake was cool and shit; but real talk, this weekend was clutch enough as it was. It was the best moments of day drinking ever. So glad my favorite people could join me in the trip.
I wish I lived in the ocean. In fact, I wish everything lived in the ocean. Like there was no land on planet Earth. It was like the planet of Europa covered in water and there was only an ecosystem deep in our oceans. And humans were all just mermaids and shit that have developed the same way just underwater and were friends with fish and shit. I say this for a couple of reasons.
One, I'm convinced I was some sort of fish in a past life. Between having frequent, vivid, and awesome dreams of having the ability to breath underwater; feeling perfectly relaxed underwater; and having talent in the ability to swim; I'm close to certain my genetics have some fish in it somehow. Like I was cross-bred with a dolphin.
Two, the oceans are the least explored place on the surface of Earth, making it fascinating by nature. If we were all mermaids and shit we would have the ability to explore endlessly as much as we wanted. Imagine not being bound by interstates and road signs, but instead being completely free to explore your world in three dimensions. On land we're able to divide our planet up, because of barbed wire fence and "No Trespassing" laws we aren't really able to explore much anymore (not as much as I would like to anyway). It's impossible to go out into the woods and find something no one else has yet seen. If we lived in the ocean the sense of exploration would be one like none other into the world we currently live in. It would be fascinating.
It's almost mind boggling to think about the vastness of the ocean. Looking at a globe, the ocean is very very big. And almost none of it is explored. It really makes me want to grab a scuba tank, take a dive, and check out what's down there.
But I can't. I'm left to explore land instead. And even though it may not be as fascinating or outlandish as exploring reefs for the rest of my life, I can live with it. And luckily with my career field I'll get to see quite a bit of it. Until next time...
Monday, June 25, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Get Real YMCA
What's up everyone. I decided a quick blog post may be in order for this afternoon. So I realized something interesting when working at the Norton Commons pool a week ago. Allow me to explain.
Norton Commons is a quaint little neighborhood out in the edges of Louisville. It's really a utopian village, everyone knows everyone and there are few disruptions from the positive activity. It's kind of like an Animal Crossing village, with a bakery, tailor, and fire department less than a block away from your house. So the pool there is this cute little pool in the middle of things where the villagers come to relax and get away from their stressful lives on the outside world.
A part of this is the "I need a drink" feeling. It seems like just about everyone has a Tervis Tumbler filled with a perfectly crafted cocktail of his or her choice. Be it a glass of wine, margarita, martini, or a Vodka Redbull, everyone comes wielding something. However this becomes a problem because the pool is staffed by the YMCA and the YMCA does not tolerate such sin as having a drink or two! So the lifeguards are required to enforce the dry rule and not let these indecent sinners into the pool.
Here's the ironic part: I'm the lifeguard that's expected to do this. Yes, a college sophomore is required to tell pool members (of age) that they can't drink. I can assure you, that is not going to happen. But I did find it interesting that for once, I am the authority above alcohol. Instead using my intelligence to the highest degree to try to sneak a bottle onto a cruise ship, into the zoo, purchase it on Delta flights, etc. I'm supposed to halt suspects at the gate, and sniff their cup to ensure they wouldn't consider such a heinous act of drinking alcohol at a pool!
So long story short, I did absolutely nothing in my power to stop people from drinking at the pool. For fuck's sake they can have a damn drink at the pool. If they were 12 years old it'd be different. But no. Thirty years old and still having to sneak booze into a pool. Get real YMCA.
Then I started thinking a little further out, and realized that it's gonna get worse for me. Next year at college I'll be an almighty Resident Adviser. In this case it will be quite a bit more important to bust people for alcohol. In fact I will lose my job if I don't. So this fall shit's gonna get real for me, because I'll be the serious authority over alcohol. Instead of siphoning it into inconspicuous water bottles, I'll be on the opposing end of it. It's just ironic.
So my bro Tom's coming to the lake this weekend. It's gonna be rad! We're gonna eat and drink and have a good time and swim and have campfires and all that fun shit! I really wish we could somehow install a swim up bar somewhere on that lake. Hear me out.
Ok so just like in pools in Cancun, the lake has water, which gives it the potential for swim up bar! Imagine our little humble cove of the lake tucked away and dubbed "Hillview Private". Let's carve out some of those rocks, throw in a granite counter top and some shelves with of course a boppin sound system. Then hire a bartender and DJ to take care of the party every Saturday of summer. Playing Avicii and Cataracs all day and night long while we drink and dance and do flips and tricks off the dock. Imagine that.
Tom, Karen and I all wake up at around 11:00am, just to hear the party getting started down at the water. We eat some breakfast, in a hurried fashion much like on a cruise ship. Then by noon or 1:00 we're changing into our swimsuits to head down to the fiesta! We can hear the bass pounding from the house music played below. We down an introductory shot before grabbing a noodle and departing for the lake.
Boats filled with teenagers and alcohol are moored up and anchored just like Lake Havasu for spring break. Everyone's jumping in, drinking, floating, dancing, and ordering shots from the bar. Tom, Karen and I all roam around the cove and jump from boat to boat meeting more and more people to party with. The sun sets, we wash down some hot dogs with more drinks and by midnight we've gotten the partying out of our system and we head back up to the cabin to pass out blissfully.
I think I just ruined the lake for me, since it will never be as awesome as I just described. Oh well, swim up bar or not this weekend is gonna be dope shit on top of dope shit. Until next time...
Norton Commons is a quaint little neighborhood out in the edges of Louisville. It's really a utopian village, everyone knows everyone and there are few disruptions from the positive activity. It's kind of like an Animal Crossing village, with a bakery, tailor, and fire department less than a block away from your house. So the pool there is this cute little pool in the middle of things where the villagers come to relax and get away from their stressful lives on the outside world.
A part of this is the "I need a drink" feeling. It seems like just about everyone has a Tervis Tumbler filled with a perfectly crafted cocktail of his or her choice. Be it a glass of wine, margarita, martini, or a Vodka Redbull, everyone comes wielding something. However this becomes a problem because the pool is staffed by the YMCA and the YMCA does not tolerate such sin as having a drink or two! So the lifeguards are required to enforce the dry rule and not let these indecent sinners into the pool.
Here's the ironic part: I'm the lifeguard that's expected to do this. Yes, a college sophomore is required to tell pool members (of age) that they can't drink. I can assure you, that is not going to happen. But I did find it interesting that for once, I am the authority above alcohol. Instead using my intelligence to the highest degree to try to sneak a bottle onto a cruise ship, into the zoo, purchase it on Delta flights, etc. I'm supposed to halt suspects at the gate, and sniff their cup to ensure they wouldn't consider such a heinous act of drinking alcohol at a pool!
So long story short, I did absolutely nothing in my power to stop people from drinking at the pool. For fuck's sake they can have a damn drink at the pool. If they were 12 years old it'd be different. But no. Thirty years old and still having to sneak booze into a pool. Get real YMCA.
Then I started thinking a little further out, and realized that it's gonna get worse for me. Next year at college I'll be an almighty Resident Adviser. In this case it will be quite a bit more important to bust people for alcohol. In fact I will lose my job if I don't. So this fall shit's gonna get real for me, because I'll be the serious authority over alcohol. Instead of siphoning it into inconspicuous water bottles, I'll be on the opposing end of it. It's just ironic.
So my bro Tom's coming to the lake this weekend. It's gonna be rad! We're gonna eat and drink and have a good time and swim and have campfires and all that fun shit! I really wish we could somehow install a swim up bar somewhere on that lake. Hear me out.
Ok so just like in pools in Cancun, the lake has water, which gives it the potential for swim up bar! Imagine our little humble cove of the lake tucked away and dubbed "Hillview Private". Let's carve out some of those rocks, throw in a granite counter top and some shelves with of course a boppin sound system. Then hire a bartender and DJ to take care of the party every Saturday of summer. Playing Avicii and Cataracs all day and night long while we drink and dance and do flips and tricks off the dock. Imagine that.
Tom, Karen and I all wake up at around 11:00am, just to hear the party getting started down at the water. We eat some breakfast, in a hurried fashion much like on a cruise ship. Then by noon or 1:00 we're changing into our swimsuits to head down to the fiesta! We can hear the bass pounding from the house music played below. We down an introductory shot before grabbing a noodle and departing for the lake.
Boats filled with teenagers and alcohol are moored up and anchored just like Lake Havasu for spring break. Everyone's jumping in, drinking, floating, dancing, and ordering shots from the bar. Tom, Karen and I all roam around the cove and jump from boat to boat meeting more and more people to party with. The sun sets, we wash down some hot dogs with more drinks and by midnight we've gotten the partying out of our system and we head back up to the cabin to pass out blissfully.
I think I just ruined the lake for me, since it will never be as awesome as I just described. Oh well, swim up bar or not this weekend is gonna be dope shit on top of dope shit. Until next time...
Monday, June 18, 2012
Shift of the Gods!
What's up world. I'm hittin the pen again this morning. Drinking some Honduran Coffee and just finishing up a nice episode of South Park.
So I have to work later today at the beautiful Calypso Cove water park. It's gonna be one of the better work days for one reason: it's the dream team shift. Yes. Imagine for me if you will, a shift of 8 lifeguards, and all of them are like MVP lifeguards except for two. Shit's gonna go down. This has been called the shift of the God's. If it were a movie it'd when an academy award. This is an Olympian team of waterpark shifts and I'm gonna be there watching it go down.
The Calypso Cove waterpark is really a bittersweet place. Deep down it's hell. 16 teenagers everyday sit there bored as fuck and deal with the shittiest kids in the universe. Somehow though, it creates a bond among us lifeguards. Even though we all hate it, six days a week for almost seven hours it's all we talk about. We retell stories of "the good ole' days" and reminisce in the scattered good times to be had there.
It's similar to living in a place like Ambohimirary, Madagascar. Ambohimirary is a very small town in Madagascar, one which everyone knows each other very well, and no one has any option but to live in the town and help the common goal of survival. The children of this town likely know no other way of life, and such a town is rooted in ritual and tradition even if it's become cliche over the centuries.
Calypso Cove is just like that. We lifeguards don't know much other options, we're rooted in tradition and rituals (rain dance rituals), and we enjoy passing down stories from generation to generation. It's an interesting way to spend your summer. The movie Adventureland hits the nail on the head.
When it begins to storm over Calypso Cove, we dance to the Gods. We have a hunch that some of the equipment requires ritualistic sacrifice to get to work, and bleach is a sacred reagent that solves all problems. Of course we are kidding when we sacrifice beach balls to the vacuum Gods above. But the reason we waste our time with this shit is because (like I mentioned earlier) this waterpark is cursed and we would lose our sanity otherwise. Generally, the more nonsensical traditions and bullshit we do to please the "gods", the more entertaining it is to work.
And thus, the shift of the Gods was born. The shift of the Gods was the creation of the waterpark god "Anbus", to allow this Monday to be chill. It was fate mixed with sanctity that allowed this shift to happen. Unfortunately with every magical shift, there is an equal opposite. That shift comes Wednesday, in the form of all new and shitty guards, and then me. The waterpark gods must enforce the rules that the waterpark must be ever-so-even from week to week. When it's not, the gods react and drop the chlorine to zero and the water turns green!
But yes, in an hour when I go to work on my motorcycle, I come ready to enjoy what the waterpark gods have given us. Only to have it taken away on Wednesday.
Sorry for bullshitting. I was bored this morning. Until next time...
So I have to work later today at the beautiful Calypso Cove water park. It's gonna be one of the better work days for one reason: it's the dream team shift. Yes. Imagine for me if you will, a shift of 8 lifeguards, and all of them are like MVP lifeguards except for two. Shit's gonna go down. This has been called the shift of the God's. If it were a movie it'd when an academy award. This is an Olympian team of waterpark shifts and I'm gonna be there watching it go down.
The Calypso Cove waterpark is really a bittersweet place. Deep down it's hell. 16 teenagers everyday sit there bored as fuck and deal with the shittiest kids in the universe. Somehow though, it creates a bond among us lifeguards. Even though we all hate it, six days a week for almost seven hours it's all we talk about. We retell stories of "the good ole' days" and reminisce in the scattered good times to be had there.
It's similar to living in a place like Ambohimirary, Madagascar. Ambohimirary is a very small town in Madagascar, one which everyone knows each other very well, and no one has any option but to live in the town and help the common goal of survival. The children of this town likely know no other way of life, and such a town is rooted in ritual and tradition even if it's become cliche over the centuries.
Calypso Cove is just like that. We lifeguards don't know much other options, we're rooted in tradition and rituals (rain dance rituals), and we enjoy passing down stories from generation to generation. It's an interesting way to spend your summer. The movie Adventureland hits the nail on the head.
When it begins to storm over Calypso Cove, we dance to the Gods. We have a hunch that some of the equipment requires ritualistic sacrifice to get to work, and bleach is a sacred reagent that solves all problems. Of course we are kidding when we sacrifice beach balls to the vacuum Gods above. But the reason we waste our time with this shit is because (like I mentioned earlier) this waterpark is cursed and we would lose our sanity otherwise. Generally, the more nonsensical traditions and bullshit we do to please the "gods", the more entertaining it is to work.
And thus, the shift of the Gods was born. The shift of the Gods was the creation of the waterpark god "Anbus", to allow this Monday to be chill. It was fate mixed with sanctity that allowed this shift to happen. Unfortunately with every magical shift, there is an equal opposite. That shift comes Wednesday, in the form of all new and shitty guards, and then me. The waterpark gods must enforce the rules that the waterpark must be ever-so-even from week to week. When it's not, the gods react and drop the chlorine to zero and the water turns green!
But yes, in an hour when I go to work on my motorcycle, I come ready to enjoy what the waterpark gods have given us. Only to have it taken away on Wednesday.
Sorry for bullshitting. I was bored this morning. Until next time...
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Bucket list addition: Hong Kong nightclub at 9am
What's up world. Saturday morning. Decided to crank out a blog post.
Listen to this song. This shit is the sound of angels. When we die and our time on Earth has expired and we go up to the heavens gracefully, instead of Gregorian Chants sung by angels all the time like the Catholics once thought it will be Avicii's music playing nonstop. That's what I visualize the heavens to be like.
The Catholics, Christians, Pope, etc. when asked about what the heavens are actually like, they answer that it is the beauty of God's most prized creation of all. A place of such beauty and perfection that it doesn't even come close to the beauty of the universe we see now. They also claim that because you are in the "Kingdom of God", it is impossible to see it as imperfection, so whatever you personally consider perfection will be projected in this Heaven.
And honestly that's a pretty interesting claim for the Catholics to make, because it actually makes pretty good sense. An artistic music lover could see heaven as a perfectly crafted work of art to endlessly prospect and indulge in. While an avid traveler will see the same heaven as a massive expanse of unique and perfect territory to traverse and explore. Interesting food for thought.
I am still listening to Avicii songs. I'm on youtube just continuously clicking a related video at the end of each song. And I'm still impressed. This guy's good.
But anyway, you also have Hell at the other end of the spectrum. Which contrary to the Christian belief is NOT eternal hellfire. It is the Calypso Cove waterpark located in Louisville, Kentucky. You just fall through the Earth onto this waterpark along with Charles Manson and the Unabomber and Osama bin Laden and you just stay there for all of eternity. Yeah. Scary.
I wanna go to a nightclub again soon. But I can't help but think they're kinda boring now. Like yeah you dance with a hundred million other people to really good music and you get über drunk with your friends but I want more unique nightlife experiences. Whether you're in Miami, Daytona, Los Angeles, New York, Rack City or Sen'jin Village, nightclubs are all pretty similar (excluding Space in Miami, that shit's insane. Google it). Like I said yesterday, I want to experience remote nightlife of a small town in Costa Rica and shit. Some place where there may or may not be inherent danger to the situation. I want to go deep into the Middle East, and see their nightlife. Where it's illegal for women to show their face, until they get in the nightclub when they take off their wrappings, because social norms change once you step in a club.
There are really only three places in America that have unique nightlife. Those are: university campuses, South Beach, and Las Vegas. But beyond that I just need to get out. For example go to a nightclub in Hong Kong at 9am. But like I said yesterday, I'll get there eventually. Until then...
Listen to this song. This shit is the sound of angels. When we die and our time on Earth has expired and we go up to the heavens gracefully, instead of Gregorian Chants sung by angels all the time like the Catholics once thought it will be Avicii's music playing nonstop. That's what I visualize the heavens to be like.
The Catholics, Christians, Pope, etc. when asked about what the heavens are actually like, they answer that it is the beauty of God's most prized creation of all. A place of such beauty and perfection that it doesn't even come close to the beauty of the universe we see now. They also claim that because you are in the "Kingdom of God", it is impossible to see it as imperfection, so whatever you personally consider perfection will be projected in this Heaven.
And honestly that's a pretty interesting claim for the Catholics to make, because it actually makes pretty good sense. An artistic music lover could see heaven as a perfectly crafted work of art to endlessly prospect and indulge in. While an avid traveler will see the same heaven as a massive expanse of unique and perfect territory to traverse and explore. Interesting food for thought.
I am still listening to Avicii songs. I'm on youtube just continuously clicking a related video at the end of each song. And I'm still impressed. This guy's good.
But anyway, you also have Hell at the other end of the spectrum. Which contrary to the Christian belief is NOT eternal hellfire. It is the Calypso Cove waterpark located in Louisville, Kentucky. You just fall through the Earth onto this waterpark along with Charles Manson and the Unabomber and Osama bin Laden and you just stay there for all of eternity. Yeah. Scary.
I wanna go to a nightclub again soon. But I can't help but think they're kinda boring now. Like yeah you dance with a hundred million other people to really good music and you get über drunk with your friends but I want more unique nightlife experiences. Whether you're in Miami, Daytona, Los Angeles, New York, Rack City or Sen'jin Village, nightclubs are all pretty similar (excluding Space in Miami, that shit's insane. Google it). Like I said yesterday, I want to experience remote nightlife of a small town in Costa Rica and shit. Some place where there may or may not be inherent danger to the situation. I want to go deep into the Middle East, and see their nightlife. Where it's illegal for women to show their face, until they get in the nightclub when they take off their wrappings, because social norms change once you step in a club.
There are really only three places in America that have unique nightlife. Those are: university campuses, South Beach, and Las Vegas. But beyond that I just need to get out. For example go to a nightclub in Hong Kong at 9am. But like I said yesterday, I'll get there eventually. Until then...
Friday, June 15, 2012
Worst Journalism Ever
Ok what's up. Happy Friday. Still Standing is one of the funniest show ever. Sorry I haven't blogged yet this week. It's been a busy one. Between work, day-drinking at the zoo, and sleeping I haven't had much time for really anything. Bummer.
My missionary friends dedicated to making life better in the Intibucan Highlands of Honduras have sent me a gift. It's coffee. Of course I'm a coffee enthusiast, so I'm about to bore the shit out of you with the next paragraph or two.
This coffee is like no other coffee you can get in the country of America. Unfortunately due to the widespread industry and commercialization of America, it's very difficult to buy products that aren't mass produced and sold for top profit possible. So coffee for example, you can go to Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, or McDonalds and get a similar product of coffee. But because it is mass produced, laced with preservatives so it will never go bad, and sold worldwide, it will never match the coffee I am drinking now.
The isolation Intibucá means that if a farmer is growing and selling coffee, his life is invested in that product. He is unable to spend money on preservatives and vanilla extract flavorings and high fructose corn syrup. Therefore his coffee is only worth about a dollar per pound.
However, for two weeks after it's harvested and sold, it is quite literally the FRESHEST batch of coffee in the world. Starbucks mass produces it's beans in cedar barrels to enhance flavor for months, then jacked with preservatives. This means Starbucks coffee is never fresh, but never expires. This rain forest coffee is completely opposite. I am drinking the freshest coffee and the world.
Starbucks coffee is often "artificially sweetened" which means it's mixed with high fructose corn syrup. Which is shit. Honduran coffee is naturally sweetened. Which means when they harvest it, some of the cane sugar gets mixed in with the coffee. So when it is brewed, Central American cane sugar (which is the freshest and highest quality sugar in the world) is brewed with it. This naturally making the coffee very smooth.
It's the same reason Coca Cola taste better in Central America than the U.S. In the states and Canada it is made with the countries main crop: corn. In Central America it is made with real ass cane sugar. Most Americans don't even realize the cokes they drink are shittier, less healthy, and inferior to what they make across the rest of the world. And Diet Coke is even worse. Get with the fucking program America.
So this coffee is sitting in my room in a plastic bag that is actually the only mass produced plastic bag in the state of Intibucá. The ones with red and white stripes. And the whole thing smells like rain forest. It's causing my whole room to faintly smell like rain forest. It's actually the cane sugar in it. Cane sugar is a reed type thing that really just smells like dirt. If you look at a picture of a rain forest, and then imagine what it would smell like, it would smell like this bag of coffee. Which is essentially the smell of the most fertile soil in the world, which is trapped in the form of nutrients and sugars grown into the cane sugar.
In other news, I've been watching a shit ton of nature shows on Nat Geo Wild and Animal Planet on my awesome bigass HD television. Actually pause.
Animal planet is fucking retarded. They don't get anything accomplished. Worst journalism ever. Let's look at a few of their top shows... Finding Bigfoot, they point of the show is for them to track down and find Bigfoot. AND THEY NEVER DO. THEY NEVER GET CLOSE. Next show, Whale Wars. It's a bunch of activist out in the south south Pacific fighting the Japs from killing whales. AND THEY NEVER WIN, THEY ALWAYS GET SHOT AT AND HAVE TO TURN BACK. Seriously, with today's media market, Animal Planet should have an uncapped budget for their top shows. And with a bunch of blank checks, I really don't think it's that fucking hard to find Bigfoot or stop the dumbass Japanese from killing whales. We beat the Japanese in WORLD WAR TWO and you're telling me you can't even get them to stop whaling?
Come fucking on. It took and INDEPENDENT film less than a million bucks and like three months to get the Japanese from stop dolphin hunting (The Cove). It was not hard. The Japanese really aren't that clever. But still it's taken Animal Planet FIVE FUCKING SEASONS, and hundreds of millions of dollars and they've gotten absolutely no where. They have a fleet of four state-of-the-art, several million dollar "whale hunting hunter" ships. Four million dollar ships. Five years. Japan is still killing like ten humpback whales a week.
If Animal Planet wasn't just dicking around, and actually wanted to stop the Japanese, they easily could. Instead of buying a new fucking yacht, spend that money on bombs. Israel would happily sell it to them. Then in the middle of the Weddell Sea, blow them out of the water. That will stop the whaling real fast. And it's off the coast of Antarctica. That's international water where laws barely exist and it would take decades for anyone to be prosecuted. And don't even get me started about Finding Bigfoot.
Anyway, I've been watching my nature shows, and I really wanna go back to some pretty forest in the middle of no where and chill and drink with some close friends. No where in America can really touch the rarity and beauty of some place like Madagascar, Honduras, South East Asia, whatever. And none of my friends save Tanner have really seen anything like it. If I can ever afford it I'm flying all my closest pals out to the middle of no where in a tropical forest and we'll just shoot some hoops in a makeshift court, sip on margaritas, rum punches, DVR's and beer while listening to the idle sounds of the rain forest. Then by noon when it's a million degrees we'll go on a hike down some cliff side and find a nice waterfall and take a dip.
By nightfall we could hike back to base camp, drink a little more, then head out to wherever the closest town is. The type of town where there are no nightclubs, the sense of danger at 1:00am doesn't even match Daytona or Panama. In a town where there are no actual nightclubs, the young and beautiful head to the town center and listen to the music of the local bards, similar to Bardstown Road. A party in the remote and dangerous edges of the world when the time is right could perhaps be the sexiest nightlife there is to see.
One of these days, I will spend a Spring week in the rain forest with my closest friends. The week will be spent doing things you can't do in America. Tanner and I have already gotten a taste of what that would be like, but I want more. There are too many unique places in the world to see and experience to sit at home in Kentucky for your whole life going to the same house parties every Friday and Saturday night.
Luckily, and I say this a lot, due to my profession it would be hard to sit at home my whole life. Thank God. Until next time...
My missionary friends dedicated to making life better in the Intibucan Highlands of Honduras have sent me a gift. It's coffee. Of course I'm a coffee enthusiast, so I'm about to bore the shit out of you with the next paragraph or two.
This coffee is like no other coffee you can get in the country of America. Unfortunately due to the widespread industry and commercialization of America, it's very difficult to buy products that aren't mass produced and sold for top profit possible. So coffee for example, you can go to Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, or McDonalds and get a similar product of coffee. But because it is mass produced, laced with preservatives so it will never go bad, and sold worldwide, it will never match the coffee I am drinking now.
The isolation Intibucá means that if a farmer is growing and selling coffee, his life is invested in that product. He is unable to spend money on preservatives and vanilla extract flavorings and high fructose corn syrup. Therefore his coffee is only worth about a dollar per pound.
However, for two weeks after it's harvested and sold, it is quite literally the FRESHEST batch of coffee in the world. Starbucks mass produces it's beans in cedar barrels to enhance flavor for months, then jacked with preservatives. This means Starbucks coffee is never fresh, but never expires. This rain forest coffee is completely opposite. I am drinking the freshest coffee and the world.
Starbucks coffee is often "artificially sweetened" which means it's mixed with high fructose corn syrup. Which is shit. Honduran coffee is naturally sweetened. Which means when they harvest it, some of the cane sugar gets mixed in with the coffee. So when it is brewed, Central American cane sugar (which is the freshest and highest quality sugar in the world) is brewed with it. This naturally making the coffee very smooth.
It's the same reason Coca Cola taste better in Central America than the U.S. In the states and Canada it is made with the countries main crop: corn. In Central America it is made with real ass cane sugar. Most Americans don't even realize the cokes they drink are shittier, less healthy, and inferior to what they make across the rest of the world. And Diet Coke is even worse. Get with the fucking program America.
So this coffee is sitting in my room in a plastic bag that is actually the only mass produced plastic bag in the state of Intibucá. The ones with red and white stripes. And the whole thing smells like rain forest. It's causing my whole room to faintly smell like rain forest. It's actually the cane sugar in it. Cane sugar is a reed type thing that really just smells like dirt. If you look at a picture of a rain forest, and then imagine what it would smell like, it would smell like this bag of coffee. Which is essentially the smell of the most fertile soil in the world, which is trapped in the form of nutrients and sugars grown into the cane sugar.
In other news, I've been watching a shit ton of nature shows on Nat Geo Wild and Animal Planet on my awesome bigass HD television. Actually pause.
Animal planet is fucking retarded. They don't get anything accomplished. Worst journalism ever. Let's look at a few of their top shows... Finding Bigfoot, they point of the show is for them to track down and find Bigfoot. AND THEY NEVER DO. THEY NEVER GET CLOSE. Next show, Whale Wars. It's a bunch of activist out in the south south Pacific fighting the Japs from killing whales. AND THEY NEVER WIN, THEY ALWAYS GET SHOT AT AND HAVE TO TURN BACK. Seriously, with today's media market, Animal Planet should have an uncapped budget for their top shows. And with a bunch of blank checks, I really don't think it's that fucking hard to find Bigfoot or stop the dumbass Japanese from killing whales. We beat the Japanese in WORLD WAR TWO and you're telling me you can't even get them to stop whaling?
Come fucking on. It took and INDEPENDENT film less than a million bucks and like three months to get the Japanese from stop dolphin hunting (The Cove). It was not hard. The Japanese really aren't that clever. But still it's taken Animal Planet FIVE FUCKING SEASONS, and hundreds of millions of dollars and they've gotten absolutely no where. They have a fleet of four state-of-the-art, several million dollar "whale hunting hunter" ships. Four million dollar ships. Five years. Japan is still killing like ten humpback whales a week.
If Animal Planet wasn't just dicking around, and actually wanted to stop the Japanese, they easily could. Instead of buying a new fucking yacht, spend that money on bombs. Israel would happily sell it to them. Then in the middle of the Weddell Sea, blow them out of the water. That will stop the whaling real fast. And it's off the coast of Antarctica. That's international water where laws barely exist and it would take decades for anyone to be prosecuted. And don't even get me started about Finding Bigfoot.
Anyway, I've been watching my nature shows, and I really wanna go back to some pretty forest in the middle of no where and chill and drink with some close friends. No where in America can really touch the rarity and beauty of some place like Madagascar, Honduras, South East Asia, whatever. And none of my friends save Tanner have really seen anything like it. If I can ever afford it I'm flying all my closest pals out to the middle of no where in a tropical forest and we'll just shoot some hoops in a makeshift court, sip on margaritas, rum punches, DVR's and beer while listening to the idle sounds of the rain forest. Then by noon when it's a million degrees we'll go on a hike down some cliff side and find a nice waterfall and take a dip.
By nightfall we could hike back to base camp, drink a little more, then head out to wherever the closest town is. The type of town where there are no nightclubs, the sense of danger at 1:00am doesn't even match Daytona or Panama. In a town where there are no actual nightclubs, the young and beautiful head to the town center and listen to the music of the local bards, similar to Bardstown Road. A party in the remote and dangerous edges of the world when the time is right could perhaps be the sexiest nightlife there is to see.
One of these days, I will spend a Spring week in the rain forest with my closest friends. The week will be spent doing things you can't do in America. Tanner and I have already gotten a taste of what that would be like, but I want more. There are too many unique places in the world to see and experience to sit at home in Kentucky for your whole life going to the same house parties every Friday and Saturday night.
Luckily, and I say this a lot, due to my profession it would be hard to sit at home my whole life. Thank God. Until next time...
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Chillin with the cable guys
What's up world. Today is Monday night instead of Tuesday night, but due to my work schedule, tonight would be a better time to blog. So here I am.
So it's been quite chilly these past few days, but honestly I am not complaining. The weather this May-June has been more like San Francisco than usual Kentucky summers, including overcast clouds, rain, cold air, and little sunshine to be had. Kentucky has cold May-June's every three years or so, it's nothing new to me. But I think it's quite refreshing. Like I mentioned, it's been like living in San Francisco. Instead of setting all the time you're just barely warmer than cold. Anyway it's nice.
So my family is getting Dish. Good shit. The cable guys are here right now, and I honestly gotta say they are some cool dudes. Great guys really; Tyler likes my bike, has a brother who's an Air Force pilot, and used to be a bartender. I made a cocktail while he was here which was just totally chill. It's all good.
I'm trying to think of what to write about. The fact that I write so much more insightfully during the school year shows how much more active my brain is when I'm actually stressing over shit. I guess that's not a good thing, but mental clarity is important.
OH! So I saw Hunger Games last night. I don't think I like movies that are adapted from books, cuz the books are so much better and I hate reading so that leaves me to watch a sub-par movie which just isn't as good. So yeah. Anyway, I watched Hunger Games. In which teenagers had to fight for survival amongst eachother. Yeah, shit's rough. So I was thinking to myself how cool it'd be if I were in this huge competition for victory with my peers, and how I'd fucking win because everyone knows I live for palm trees, success, and the sky.
Then I realized that I'm already competing with my peers for the number 1 slot. Even though it's not a fight to the death, I'm fighting for the most important thing I can imagine which is being a pilot. And a lot of the people I'm friends with, will not succeed while I will. That's unfortunate.
So yeah I don't know what else to blog about now. Like I said earlier my brain just isn't as active during the summer when I don't do shit except hang out at a waterpark saving lives. So I guess this will have to do. Until next time.
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