I have a story to share. Please don't tell anyone, it's not classified but the emotional response to the theatrics is what they don't want to get out because it cements a lot that you learn here, which spoils it for future students. You'll see why. The reason I'm sharing with you, is that you're one of the few people I know who would ever come close to understanding; I really wish I could share with Grandpa, but can't. They say sharing little tidbits here and there with close family who can comprehend is helpful, so this is what I've chosen to share.
So we're POW's, still getting beaten and abused by the Limnadians (the fake communist country that's captured us). I estimate it's about 8pm, probably ten hours since getting iced. I'm still shivering and convulsing. We're pretty broken. We're in our cold little huts together and they're trying to force propaganda or something and we're slowly resisting but breaking down steadily. Snow continues to pour outside. We're trying to get our guard to build us a fire, but every time we ask we get hit.
Then air raid sirens go off. That means the chief commandant is going to address us as a whole group, all 82 of us. We huddle outside to the courtyard, into our lines, in the "position of utmost respect to the comrades". Snow is dumping, it's piling down my neck, getting into my gloves; still convulsing, can barely stand upright. The "glorious commandant" addresses us with more mind games and threats and propaganda. Guards are going through the lines hitting people that aren't standing respectfully enough. It's about as low and broken as we could get. They won. Game over. We'll do what you want.
Then when the leader was done with his speech, he told us, "Now each and every one of you will salute the beautiful Limnadian flag to our beautiful anthem, and that salute will pay respects to our glorious country while denouncing your faith in America. And whoever doesn't will be taken away and beaten senseless. Nod if you understand." 82 airmen nod.
"Present, ARMS." All the guards start saluting the flag behind us. A long drumroll starts over the loudspeakers. I don't remember exactly what I thought, but it was along the lines of. "Whatever, not doing it, don't care, I'm done." I peaked around, and realized not a single person out of 82 people were saluting. The drumroll continued. I could see on every person's face, a deep and sincere "FUCK. YOU." being spoken through narrowed eyes. No more submission or broken posture, just "fuck these sadistic assholes and their flag."
82 American servicemembers and every single one of them came to the conclusion ON THEIR OWN, 'I will not salute my captors flag and anthem.' No matter how broken, how cold, how apparently compliant by that point, 82 people took the "fuck you" option, independently.
Then the drumroll started slowing, and I noticed something. The Limnadian salute was very different, palms forward, toes together etc, but all the guards were rendering American salutes, perfect salutes, feet at 45 degrees. We all realize something is off. The drumroll stopped. The United States Anthem started playing. We still don't know what's going on, just kind of frozen in our "fuck you" stances. One airmen up front figured it out, about faced, and gave an American Salute. We all followed suit.
A giant American storm flag was flying from the flag pole that had a Limnadian flag flying a few minutes prior, they changed it without us realizing. There're four spotlights illuminating it, glinting through the heavy snow. I stopped shivering, I stopped feeling cold, hungry, in pain. I stood upright for the first time in 8 hours and held that salute. The anthem ended and we about faced away from the flag. The guards were gone, they disappeared during the anthem, now a Col is in the guard tower.
He says, "Everyone say the key element of the United States of America is freedom, but almost every single person who says that has never had their freedom taken from them. You have now had the unreal experience of losing your freedom. But if you ever lose your freedom again, remember that that flag and anthem exists, and America will get you back home, and freedom will be restored. Never forget the emotions you are feeling right now, because this is the reason you do what you do."
I've read and heard from so many veterans that at some point, in training or real world, it clicks. The deep emotions tied to pride overflow, and after that you feel like you can do anything. I can't write about it to the caliber of it all, but seeing dozens of Air Force officers and airmen, some only 18 years old, all decide at the same exact point in time, "okay I don't fucking care if you beat me, this is where I draw the line, your country's a malicious piece of shit that tortures people, and I'm simply not doing it." It was amazing, and what's crazy is that is what happens with every single class going through, every single week. Then to see the American flag through the snowfall, and hear your anthem, ohhhhhh it puts the Super Bowl flyby to shame.
On another note, our psych debriefing was sobering. They had the three people that got iced (I thought it was only me and someone else, but there was a third. That made me so furious, the odds were 3 in 82 and us three lost. Something about knowing the exact odds really pissed me off emotionally but I can't figure out why.) Anyway they had the three people that got iced share their experience, so I did. "Yeah it fucking sucked." Then they had the thirty some odd people that were forced to watch come up and talk about it, and that's when it became surprising. People were crying, couldn't talk about it, it was all so complex it seemed, their emotions over having to watch it were far far worse than those who went through it. I was totally floored by people choked up over having to watch little ole me get hosed in ice water. I had no idea the extent of how hard it was for them watching. Then I started getting survivor's guilt, over having getting tortured! Psychology is weird.
So anyways, it's all over now. Now I can play blackjack with the boys and decompress. I just have to get through the three weeks that your brain essentially withdrawals from adrenaline and cortisol. But one thing that was made so blatantly unequivocal these three weeks is something I already knew, but it wasn't cemented, it had no emotion prove the gravity of the reality:
The United States Military is the absolute best in the world.
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