Enjoy Your Juice THE SEQUEL

What's up world? I'm sitting here at the front desk of Haggin, at work of course. I just put the finishing touches on my 7 page research paper for anthropology. Anthropology is stupid by the way, in case you were wondering what my thoughts were on that. But I'm enrolled in the course, so I gotta fucking do the work no matter how stupid and made up it really is.

I'm really hungry. I'm gonna run up to my room and grab a sandwich and apple juice for me to enjoy down here whilst I write. Be right back. I'm back, with a sandwich and apple juice.

It's an interesting story about this apple juice. Do you remember a few months back when I blogged about eating breakfast at the Wildcat Lodge? Well it's linked up there if you don't. Anyway, that was written almost three months ago. I've eaten breakfast there at least twice a week since then. It's become so habitual for me, that I'm start to forget to realize how awesome it is every morning. I just walk in, nod at the basketball team, get my breakfast, watch some Sportscenter, grab five or six bottles of apple juice, and ride the Ninja back to Haggin.

So this neatly leads into the story about the apple juice. All over campus, they sell these little 10 ounce bottles of apple or orange juice. I'm a huge fan; it's the perfect amount of juice for a little snack in the afternoon. The only problem, however, is that they charge a whole fucking two dollars a pop! That's like a quarter per sip! Apple juice at this university literally goes for 26$/gallon. Is apple juice really eight times more valuable than gasoline? I can't be the only person who thinks the price of juice is a bit steep.

Fortunately though I have found a loophole. I have found a way out of the vice-grip this university has on the enthusiastic juice-drinkers' balls. I feel as if I have escaped the oppression the university has created with its unruly price gouging. Let me explain...

At the Wildcat Lodge restaurant, is an unlimited supply of apple juice, orange juice, and milk. As long as you're able to gain access to the secret world of the Wildcat Lodge, you're granted permission to withdraw from the endless beverage surplus. So naturally, at the end of my breakfast, the rebel churning inside me would act out and take an apple juice for later consumption in the privacy of my castle dorm room.

But you see, the badass-outlaw life is an addicting one. Sooner or later, stealing just one 10-oz apple juice from the basketball players wasn't enough to sustain the high I got off acting out to the university. In order to feel the same numbing sensational rush of adrenaline and excitement as previous Wednesday and Monday mornings, I needed more and more! One apple juice lead to two, two lead to three apple juices and a milk. This escalation continued until I got to the low point I'm at now.

Breakfast at Wildcat Lodge isn't about the food anymore. It isn't about the sweet catering ladies who come running to nurture your every need and want. It isn't even about the NBA players or media vans that are sometimes parked outside, wondering who you are to be awesome enough to eat with the UK basketball team. All of those treats just whet my appetite for the true obsession and addiction that consumes me during breakfast: apple juice.

Before I even put my backpack on the back of my seat and hanging up my jacket, I've already been to the apple juice cooler. Before any food has hit my plate, there are at least 20 ounces of sweet apple nectar resting on the bottom of my bag. After one round of food, I'm off to the juice cooler for my second heist in ten minutes. While Jill, the waitress, is off looking somewhere else distracted, I fit as many bottles of my medicine into my fists. One or two in each hand is typically all I can handle at one time.

Finally with nearly half a gallon of apple juice in my bag, dampening my notebooks with fresh, cool condensation; I am nearly satisfied. I eat my Greek pineapple cocktail yogurt while I plan out how I will acquire even more apple juice. On my way out, I make one last juice run, taking as much as I can without raising suspicion.

Just then, as I reach my arm deep into the ice digging through orange juice after orange juice trying to find at least one more apple juice to calm my craving, I hear Jill call out my name in a hushed tone. Shit. I've been caught. My reign of apple juice theft ends here. It's all over. What's my life come to? What does my future hold? Rehab? The dangerous streets and increasing involvement in a deadly apple juice trade? I put my head down and withdraw my hand from the juice cooler, before turning around to face my captor.

Jill's disappointed face calmly utters a phrase I wasn't expecting or prepared for. "Do you want one of the big things of apple juice to take home with you? I'm only supposed to give it to players but you're welcome to some if you want." I smile and nod, accepting two 25-oz bottles of juice. "Holy shit" I think,"Jill's in on it." Walking out of the lodge, I look into my bag weighed down with eight pounds of apple juice in shame. I ride back to my castle and pack as much of the apple juice into my fridge as I'm able.

Before packing up for my Monday morning classes I think to myself, "That'll last me 'til Wednesday....

...I hope."

Until next time.