Associate Me with Palm Trees

Gooooooooooood afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I just had a delightful sandwich and now I'm sipping on a delightful cup of coffee. This will in fact be the second weekend in a row I go home. Which means that soon I will hit yet another party phase and go absolute nuts. Good for future me.

So surprisingly, last weeks post was in fact a record breaker. Weighing in at a total of over 1,500 words, it surpassed the previous record by a solid 150 words. Perhaps I am developing as a blogger. Perhaps...

I have some good topics lined up for this week of discussion, so I hope ALL of my readers enjoy, unfortunately I don't have very many readers. I just put on some confidence enhancing music (sexy and i know it), fuck yeah.

I wanna start by stating how much I look forward to posting in this blog. I mean it's all week I'm brainstorming ideas to talk about. This blog is my light at the end of the tunnel from a week long of work. My Friday routine hasn't changed much in the past couple months since it's conception. Class, workout, run around campus shirtless, blog. Done.

My nails are kinda long. I'm gonna trim them. Like right now.

Ok that's much better. So I just realized while clipping my nails, that this is the first time in my life which I spend more time with my girlfriend than my parents. I find that interesting. All the way up through your childhood, you are forced to spend more time with your parents than your bros or girlfriend. Now that's flipped on it's head. Now obviously I spend the most time with my bros right now, but the fact that I see my geef at least once a week, and my parents sometimes less than once a month. Shit, this kinda proves my childhood is over.

Speaking of my girlfriend, two weeks ago I blogged about having sex on a Friday at 7:30. Well last Friday I actually got to do it. If you read back two posts you will see my enthusiasm for a 1900 hookup. I was quite curious as to what would happen, cuz the 7:30 feeling is BTS, so if you have sex during it then what the fuck happens? Well I discovered the answer. NOTHING. NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED. Which is bullshit! I was expecting to be enlightened to the point of self actualization, I was expecting to see God! Maybe a natural high that lasted the whole weekend? NOPE! In fact all that happened is I became tired as shit and exhausted and fell asleep at like 9:00pm.

Wait a second. I just solved the problem. Ok, so 7:30 on a Friday is between classes and parties. And it's BTS. So if you actually introduce sex into the equation, the units cancel! The universe will actually restrict you from partying after having sex at 7:30, I suspect this is usually in the form of exhaustion. BUT!!! If you do introduce sex into the equation, and the universe restricts you from a party, then the actual, BTS moment would be in between classes and sex wouldn't it? Hmmmm... food for thought. I will have to study and experiment with this over the next couple of weeks. What would happen if you had sex at 7:30 but then forced yourself to go to a party? Would there be a way to "trick" the universe? Yeah. Mind=FUCKED.

Brb I'm gonna call Karen. Ok I'm back. And that took twenty minutes. I counted. Now I gotta pee.

Now I wanna share something with you that Doug told me. Put on some fucking vacation playlist, and do enjoy this segment. This quote made me smile ear to ear. It can be traced back to the reason Doug and I are the best inseparable friends possible. I plan to frame the quote with a palm tree relaxing back ground. I will then hang it up in my bedroom. If I move, the quote will move with me. It will follow me all the way to retirement. Doug said...

"Dude. When we get super old let's retire and move to Florida together. Roommates in a nice house down the street from the beach. We can do just nothing but enjoy cigars, cold beers, and wearing nice clothes. You can just always drive your boat around while I do nothing but fish and listen to music."

I literally got goosebumps when I retyped that in. This quote completely defines who Doug and I are. Palm trees, success and the sky. And cold beer. To think that our lives will converge upon our 60th birthday, and we will spend the rest of our days together doing nothing but relaxing and enjoying what makes us calm and happy. It will be a vacation.

But we can't do that until we finish our lives. Doug is moving forward to be a very successful musician. I am moving forward to be a very successful aviator. We must finish what we started before we get to the endless vacation. Even though we will work our asses off to accomplish such a level of success, it will be the bulk of our lives, and we simply can't "cut to the chase". But when I turn 60, on April 9th, 2053, and I move into that nice house by the beach, I'm going to play "Island in the Sun" everyday until I die. Believe it.

Ok picture this. You're life changes and suddenly becomes several times cooler. Let's say you move to Miami. You go to a club to celebrate this with your bros. You walk onto the dance floor, look around to see strobe lights, fog machines and lasers, girls half naked dancing and you take a sip of you redbull and vodka. I call this a slow motion moment. It's when your'e life instantly becomes much much cooler, time warps and you actually put into slow motion for a couple seconds. I call it a slow motion moment.

I have one like once every couple of months, I mean they're pretty rare. The last time I got one is at the Luau party on the first day at UK. Being laid to dubstep music having water sprayed on me with Tom Rupp with strobes and shit, made me realize I was in college and my life was really fucking cool, when I realized it I found myself in a trance and everything goes slow motion for like 3 seconds. It's fucking cool as shit. Like I'm not making this up. It's like being in a movie.

Other times my life has gotten cooler and I've had slow motion moments include when I helped Dani throw a super successful party, when I got my pilot's license and flew over my high school during school hours, and when I told my girlfriend I loved her watching the sunrise at 4,000 feet. Yeah and then I kissed her in SLOW MOTION as I listed my left wing up creating plane-shaped shadow on the fog below us. Yeah beat that.

This is a really good thing actually. Let's look at two functions. f(x)=slow motion moments only happen when you're life becomes cooler. And g(x)=I have a slow motion moment every couple months. Now if you take f(g(x)) you will find that my life becomes cooler every couple months. If I put this on a graph it may make more sense.

You know what's bullshit? Chipotle. I was at the movies with Karen on Saturday night and there was a very touching advertisement. It showed a single farmer struggling to make profits with his traditional farming techniques. Put to the music of Coldplay (the scientist), he takes a lot of the organic crap out and puts his cattle and plants on steroids and commercializes it all and it ruins his pastures . So he's depressed that his land is destroyed and replants his crops the traditional way and his greenery is restored and he's happy again. The moral of the advertisement is clear. And I was like "wow that's a really touching advertisement". Then the screen panned to a sign that said "Cultivate a better world. Chipotle." And that shit pisses me off. Like shut the fuck up Chipotle you don't do shit for the environment and you know it. Fuck you. You know who does good for the environment Chipotle? Boeing and Ge. They make machines that are necessary to the worlds infrastructure while BARELY harming the environment. What the fuck do you do Chipotle? You make food that makes people poop. That's what you do. Cultivate my dick Chipotle. Don't even talk to me.

I'm sorry to have to end off on a negative note. I unfortunately couldn't blog about everything that's been on my mind this week. There was simply too much material to cover in one post. I covered just over half of it. This means I will have to make more than one post a week and I am FINE with that. Enjoy the rest of your weekend everybody. I'm signing off.

By the way. I have one last little request. I want everyone who reads this blog... Actually no fuck that. I want more. I want everyone who knows me to associate me with palm trees, beaches, etc. Like I want my presence to be supplemented by thoughts of vacation and relaxing. I wear sunglasses on my head like all the time now, like that's my shit. I wanna get to the point where I can have a conversation with someone on a nice day, and due to my nature and the way I carry myself, they enjoy the rest of they're nice day MORE. Like the conversation they had with me enlightened them to the point it made them further realize the beauty of everyday things such as nice weather. Ok maybe this is a pretty big request, but I don't think I'm very far from it. It's also kinda arrogant. But idgaf.

Ok now I'm done expressing myslef. Until next time... :)