An Extremely Usual Night

What's up readers. Don't answer that. Rhetorical question.

Party last night. It was extremely usual for a Dani Jenkins field party. EXTREMELY usual. In fact, I was worried that it'd be of the usual persuasion (the hostess crying in the corner at 4am while you're trying to sleep with 30 other people, hungover as fuck) so I decided not to spend the night. I'd follow my old proverb by having "a beer and a good time". But unfortunately at about 9:30 after two beers I was on the phone with my mom, notifying her that I would not be home til morning. Thus, the partying continued for me.

Ok, I must let you in on a little secret. Keep this on the hush hush because once everyone starts doing it (as projected) it won't be cool anymore. This secret is: Walking around a party with a glass of wine (good wine especially, Shiraz made the cut) equals IMMEDIATE bad-ass. Why? Because it catches EVERYONE off guard, no expects some classy motherfucker to break out the Noir in between games of beer pong.

And yes, I did just that last night, walking around the house and field with a glass or Shiraz. Like a champ. And of course ten fucking people asked me "is that wine?" And I was like "no it's Welches. This ain't communion! Of course it's wine! Shit..." Then there was the dumbass chick doing shots of Heaven Hill asking me like I'm ignorant one, "why the fuck are you drinking out of a wine glass?" And I was like "Because I'm drinking wine." Dipshit... Why are you drinking out of a shot glass? Oh that's right, fuck me. It's cuz you're drinking a shot...

I also had the pleasure of getting laid at a party. Didn't realize how amazing the feeling is when you walk downstairs with your limping girlfriend and everyone looks at you like "oh shit!" then starts applauding like crazy. The one overly enthusiastic drunk screaming "He did it! I stuck it in her! He used his penis!!!" followed by about 5 drunk bitches screaming "Woooooh!!!!" before falling out of their chairs...it puts a smile on my face. Then for the rest of the night, you're that person that fucked that one hot blonde chick in the closet.

After that it went downhill. Everything I wanted to avoid by not spending the night happened to me. I got the usual bullshit from Princess Dani. I was originally crammed into a sleeping quarter with 15 other guys but then bailed and had a failed attempt at sleeping under the stars. After sacrificing several hours of sleep I just crashed in the car. Got about 2 hours. I got what I deserved for the debauchery.

That's all I got for today. Until next time...