Alien Nightclub

What's up world? I'm chilling between classes right now in the big old Patterson Office Tower. The weather's been pretty shitty outside, ranging from temperatures in the teens to snow. It's just awful. I don't understand how people like this weather.

I really need to start making more money. It's too hard to travel with low income. I honestly don't understand how people can just sit and  spend their whole life in the confines of one country, or worst one state. I just can't comprehend that.

And do you know what? I'm ready for us to make contact with aliens. I realize that saying that makes me sound like a nut case, but hear me out. Making contact with aliens will completely revolutionize the travel industry. Instead of being exotic by going over to Africa or the Middle East or wherever, people are gonna be going to meet up with aliens. Yeah let that sink in.

Ok think back a few centuries, when the Old World discovered the New World in like the 15th century. Could you imagine when that happened how many people were like, "Hey I'd like to go there." And then the super rich ended up buying "research vessels" to make the journey on, and long story short going to America was cool as hell for a while.

The Earth is finite, so there will likely come a time when I have experienced at least most of it. We need to figure out where the damn aliens are living so I can start saving up to book a trip now. Like people talk about culture shock by going overseas and seeing all the stop signs in different languages and everyone's dressed differently than you, but think about going to the alien capital city. You'd be completely mind blown.

You wouldn't be able to eat anything, I mean it'd probably be something that your body has no snowball's chance in hell of being able to process. The language barrier would be awful, I mean you wouldn't be able to understand or say anything at all; and gestures wouldn't work there, they don't know what a smile or a frown is. Their social norms would be so far off from ours, you'd likely disrespect them somehow in everything you do.

In fact it probably wouldn't even be fun. You'd be so uncomfortable and freaked out that the time you spend there would actually be quite miserable. But let's say for the sake of the entertainment of this post that the aliens accept us and don't hate us, you can speak the language enough to get by, you've gotten vaccinated and everything so you can't get sick, let's just say everything that you have to worry about has been taken care of. Well in that case it'd be the most fun! Imagine seeing the alien equivalent to nightlife in that situation.

You get all dressed up and pampered in the hotel before leaving, which is completely pointless because it's not like you're going to pick up an alien. Then there's the pregaming to be had, you suck down a few drinks or whatever aliens consume to unwind (which in reality will be most likely something similar to heroin). Then it's time to hit the alien nightclubs.

You gotcha buzz on, you're riding to the club on some Pandoran-Avatar-Horse motherfucker or whatever the aliens use as taxis, it's a good time to be had. On the way there you're passing more foreign shit that you never knew existed like super-huge street sweepers and the rebellious alien youth doing drugs. Then you get to the club and it's game on for the alien party scene.

You go up to what most resembles a bar and use your alien language skills to buy a drink, or MDMA or whatever the aliens are into, and you get to use your cool looking alien money. Then you head to grab a seat next to the alien dancefloor while you scope out the alien hotties. Ok so you probably won't know which aliens are the hottest, and there's a good chance their dancing will throw you off.

In fact the more you sit on the couch the more it sinks in that you are the most different person in that building by a huge factor, and the more you convince yourself not to attempt the alien dancing with whoever other human your with. Eventually after for or five drinks (or meth pills or whatever fucked up alien vices they have) you'll probably make the mistake of attempting the alien dancing, which will just result in some stares.

Going to an alien nightclub to drink and throw down with fucking ALIENS actually sounds really fun. But the more I get into writing up this hypothetical scenario, the more I realize that going to nightclub on another continent and partying with locals is pretty similar to what I just described. Obviously it's not as cool as clubbing with aliens, but truth be told if we end up finding alien civilizations we're not gonna be partying with them.

Oh well, any nightclub beats frat parties. Damn that's the third post straight where I've mentioned exotic clubbing and how much better they are than frat parties. I'm snobby. Until next time...