Done

What’s up world? I’m sitting here in my room with my final preparation for the dramatic conclusion of this semester. Of course I knew this semester would be tough, but that doesn’t begin to describe the realm of bullshit I feel like I’ve been through in the past three months. A trip to Africa is being dangled in front of me, causing me to drool over cutting to the chase and just getting out of here. But of course it isn’t possible to just fast forward through all the crap to get to the prize.

Instead I’ve dealt with suicides, training, a fucking national headline, and of course failure after failure in the hardest class I’ll ever take in my life. I hate failing. Not just once, but over and over again when you’re trying and trying to just get through it. And of course right when my second chances have dried up, and I have literally one moment left to pass this fucking class, I have to deal with a publicity stunt that few people in the world have to deal with.

I would’ve never expected to be taking study breaks to read about my story in the national news to make sure I don’t get fired. I've been an RA for three goddamn months and I end up having to be tested to the point of breaking in front of America.

So in addition to learning a lot of calculus this week, I’ve also learned a lot about our society and myself. A police officer, a father, and a great person was fired because he lost composure for 15 seconds. After an hour and half of being tested, all it took was the last 15 seconds and a tiny shove for him to lose his job and reputation.

That’s not right. Then the way the media works, America see’s the good guy as the pig and the scum bag who I caught drinking and bottling his own piss is portrayed as the hero. But I lose my job if I tell the public the real story, because the Constitution protects that filthy fucking scrotum who was breaking the law. I’ve realized that that’s the way it works, and there’s nothing I can do. I’ve done everything I could and it couldn’t kick that little shit out and it couldn’t save that great person’s job.

Instead of letting it tear me up inside, I’m using the experience to better myself. First off, after what I’ve done and seen, I will never lose my composure again. Losing professionalism and calmness causes you to go from super-hero to dirt bag, every single time. If you’re the good guy, then you will always lose unless you keep your 100% cool.

Second off, I’m going to make sure I accomplish everything I want to in life. That devil down the hall from me may not get kicked out of the university, he may make a few thousand off of interviews or endorsements, and he may have won. But I know for a fact he is far below almost every other human being on the planet in all aspects. I know he won’t accomplish much in his life other than getting a cop fired. He’s peaked, he’s done. I’m not.

He will never do anything great in his life. He will never fly a plane, save a man’s life, make anyone proud, or know the feeling of true accomplishment. His life from this point on wont’ be much to blog about. But mine will. I have the potential to accomplish just about anything, and I’ve proved it. Just because I’m positive Peter fucking Dimples won’t achieve anything, my heart is now set on achieving everything.

That starts now, with this calculus class. I am going to walk into this final in thirty minutes, and pass the class. Then I’m going to clean my room, and go to Africa for two weeks. My life will keep going up while his keeps going down. And that will be enough to keep my composure for the rest of my life. Until next time…