What’s up world? I’m sitting here in my room with my final
preparation for the dramatic conclusion of this semester. Of course I knew this
semester would be tough, but that doesn’t begin to describe the realm of
bullshit I feel like I’ve been through in the past three months. A trip to
Africa is being dangled in front of me, causing me to drool over cutting to the
chase and just getting out of here. But of course it isn’t possible to just
fast forward through all the crap to get to the prize.
Instead I’ve dealt with suicides, training, a fucking
national headline, and of course failure after failure in the hardest class
I’ll ever take in my life. I hate failing. Not just once, but over and over
again when you’re trying and trying to just get through it. And of course right
when my second chances have dried up, and I have literally one moment left to
pass this fucking class, I have to deal with a publicity stunt that few people
in the world have to deal with.
I would’ve never expected to be taking study breaks to read
about my story in the national news to make sure I don’t get fired. I've been
an RA for three goddamn months and I end up having to be tested to the point of
breaking in front of America.
So in addition to learning a lot of calculus this week, I’ve
also learned a lot about our society and myself. A police officer, a father,
and a great person was fired because he lost composure for 15 seconds. After an
hour and half of being tested, all it took was the last 15 seconds and a tiny
shove for him to lose his job and reputation.
That’s not right. Then the way the media works, America
see’s the good guy as the pig and the scum bag who I caught drinking and
bottling his own piss is portrayed as the hero. But I lose my job if I tell the
public the real story, because the Constitution protects that filthy fucking scrotum
who was breaking the law. I’ve realized that that’s the way it works, and
there’s nothing I can do. I’ve done everything I could and it couldn’t kick
that little shit out and it couldn’t save that great person’s job.
Instead of letting it tear me up inside, I’m using the
experience to better myself. First off, after what I’ve done and seen, I will
never lose my composure again. Losing professionalism and calmness causes you
to go from super-hero to dirt bag, every single time. If you’re the good guy,
then you will always lose unless you keep your 100% cool.
Second off, I’m going to make sure I accomplish everything I
want to in life. That devil down the hall from me may not get kicked out of the
university, he may make a few thousand off of interviews or endorsements, and
he may have won. But I know for a fact he is far below almost every other human
being on the planet in all aspects. I know he won’t accomplish much in his life
other than getting a cop fired. He’s peaked, he’s done. I’m not.
He will never do anything great in his life. He will never
fly a plane, save a man’s life, make anyone proud, or know the feeling of true
accomplishment. His life from this point on wont’ be much to blog about. But
mine will. I have the potential to accomplish just about anything, and I’ve
proved it. Just because I’m positive Peter fucking Dimples won’t achieve
anything, my heart is now set on achieving everything.
That starts now, with this calculus class. I am going to
walk into this final in thirty minutes, and pass the class. Then I’m going to
clean my room, and go to Africa for two weeks. My life will keep going up while
his keeps going down. And that will be enough to keep my composure for the rest
of my life. Until next time…
