I had my first power-weekend. That's when as an RA, you're on call to deal with any issues that arise for the entire weekend, and you also have to work desk a lot. You get like a hundred bucks or so for doing it. You have to do one a month. So, I had a busy weekend. I crossed a few things off my bucket list.
I made a drug bust. Some dumbasses (who for the record called my girlfriend a 'bitch') tried to bring weed into my dorm. That didn't last long. They went down pretty hard. I made them cry. There's nothing I love more than to watch a dumbass go down.
That was the fun part.
Then I had to handle a situation which a resident tried to off himself. That, for the record, was something that wasn't really on my bucket list. In fact that was the opposite. That was on the blacklist of ordeals. That was perhaps the one thing in my life I never wanted to have to ever see or deal with.
My bucket list is pretty deep. Everything I can really think of is on it. For example; I want to land a plane before I die, I want to wear wings before I die, I want people to look up to me before I die. Few countries aren't on that, and it gets bigger everyday. The things I've checked off my bucket list usually yield a great story. That's perhaps my favorite aspect of my list of accomplishments, the stories I tell about them can light up a room full of family members and friends.
Don't get me wrong, I don't just throw everything onto my bucket list. There are somethings I just don't care about doing. I have no desire to design my own building, or land a massive marlin while deep sea fishing like some of my friends. I have no desire to ever write a book, or play an instrument for thousands of people to hear. The reason is apathy. If I really wanted, I could dedicate my life to something besides flying. I could accomplish anything I want. The things that make my bucket list are the things I care about. Everything else, I remain indifferent about.
Everything but suicide. I couldn't care less if I ever go deep sea fishing or not. But I've never wanted to touch suicide with a ten foot pole. There's been a deep set fear throughout my maturity that I simply don't possess the ability to deal with a situation with the emotional gravity of suicide. If an individual is so disgustingly depressed to the point of wanting to hurt themselves to the point of death, how in the hell could I possibly intervene and potentially save a life if I needed to? I can trust myself with a plane and a lot of money but when it comes to a suicidal individual, I am OUT.
But of course, a situation that I prayed I would never have to deal with, an individual who I feared the most came to me. I was singled out of a crowd of FIVE FUCKING RA'S THAT WERE ALSO AVAILABLE to deal with a suicide attempt.
No one died. So apparently I passed the test that I feared I'd fail. So I really can't be that distraught. Until next time (with a happier topic)...
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